Learn right

In an excerpt from Alex Narbut’s book “How to become a master of communication with any person, in any situation. All secrets, hints, formulas” describes an exercise that helps you learn to appreciate yourself. In addition, there are several rules to follow in order to increase self-esteem.

This exercise is not meant to be performed once and forgotten – you should return to it again and again and do it best daily, throughout your life. Do not be afraid: it will not take much time. For a few days you will have to practice for an hour or so with special time, and then it will become a habit and part of your lifestyle.

How do you learn to appreciate yourself
You will definitely feel how pleasant it is to do this exercise and what positive changes are taking place in your life thanks to it. Therefore, it will not be difficult for you to do it, on the contrary, you will do it with hunting and pleasure.

The exercise is performed in several stages, but they do not have to be done in the sequence in which they are described here. Later on, when you have mastered the whole exercise, it is not necessary to perform all the stages every day: you can perform one or two stages today, the other two tomorrow, or the first stage in the morning, the second stage in the evening – in general, do it at your discretion, how you feel more comfortable, how time allows you and how you can get the best result for yourself.

The first stage.
Right from now on, start to praise yourself for every little thing and do it every morning if possible.

Are you awake on time? Tell yourself you did good.

Did you make breakfast? Praise yourself for it, tell yourself you did great.

Did you do something at home or at work? Give yourself the highest grade.

Don’t wait for other people to do it! A man who lowers his self-esteem will probably never wait to be praised by others. Praise yourself without waiting for others to notice your merits. You don’t have to do it out loud.

But you just have to say “I’m good” to yourself at least once an hour.

Step two.
Approach the mirror when no one’s around. Look into your eyes, smile. Say it out loud: “I’m good.” Say it again and again – until these words begin to sound sincere and confident. Then add a few more positive colored phrases to your address at your discretion, for example: “I am a wonderful person”, “I approve of all my actions”, “Everything I do is good and right and worthy of the highest praise.

If you want, you can address yourself in the third person: “You’re a miracle,” “I admire you,” “I’m proud of you,” “You’re doing great,” “You’re great,” and so on.

Repeat that every day.

Step three.
Take a notebook and a pen and write, “Shortcomings that reduce my self-esteem.” Write down what you don’t like about yourself, something that may make you feel inadequate. Reread the list out loud. Then also say to yourself out loud: “So what? I don’t have to be perfect. All people have flaws, all people make mistakes. That’s no reason to treat yourself badly. I forgive myself all my faults. I promise to treat myself well no matter what. My faults are not so terrible and not so great at all. I am still a good, decent, wonderful person. (The text can be varied at your discretion – the main thing is that the meaning is about this.)

Then, reading out each of your shortcomings one by one, say out loud: “I forgive myself this.

Repeat this every day and as soon as you feel that a flaw of yours has ceased to bother you, disturb you, and negatively affect your self-esteem, cross it off the list immediately.

If you are aware of any other concerns, put them on the list and work with them in the same way.

Step four.
Take a notebook, a pen, and write: “All that I am to be commended for.”

Write down all your virtues, good luck, good deeds, positive manifestations – everything you can remember from childhood, including little things for which you may not have been praised by adults, although you were worthy of praise. Remember that you went to school, went to classes, graduated from school, went on to study and work – all this, perceived as ordinary things, is also worthy of praise.

Reread the list aloud and after each item say the words of approval: “Well done”, “I praise myself for it”, “How I did it great”, etc.

You will be adding to this list all the time.

Stage five.
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, breathe slowly and measuredly. When you feel that you have calmed down and relaxed, imagine yourself as you were as a child. Imagine that you, like now, – an adult, confident person with positive self-esteem, talking to yourself – a child.

Tell him that you love him very much.

Tell him that he is the best boy (girl) in the world, that there is no one better than him, and that there is no one more loved for you than him.

Tell him how wonderful he is, explain to him that he is very good.

Praise him for all his successes and just for being who he is.

Tell him he’s a real miracle. That there’s no other person like him in the world.

Tell him that he’s going to do it the way he wants it to. That success awaits him, that luck will always be with him.

Promise that you will help him, take care of him and always love him, because he is worthy of love as he is.

Repeat this exercise more often – and you will overcome all the shortcomings of your education, if in childhood you were little praised. You will notice how day by day you will feel more and more confident, and your self-esteem will start to grow steadily.

Here are some more rules to follow if you want to increase your self-esteem.
First rule.
Get out of the habit of comparing yourself to other people. Remember that you are a unique person, with your own special qualities. Exactly the same person does not exist in the world. You’re no better or worse than someone else, you’re just different.

The second rule.
If you want to succeed in something in which so far your success is modest, by no means compare yourself with those who have succeeded in this business. Better compare your achievements today with those of yesterday. Compete with yourself, not with others. You will start to notice that day by day you are doing your job better and better. You won’t notice how you outrun others without even trying to get ahead of them.

The third rule.
Make a list of the things that you like to do and that lead you to a great mood, but for some reason you do not do them: for example, walk in the park, ride a bike, swim in the pool, grow flowers, etc. Give yourself your word that you will pay attention to these activities at least a couple of hours, once or twice a week. Indulging yourself and enjoying yourself is very important for increasing your self-esteem.

The fourth rule.
Try to minimize communication with whining and losers, as well as with people who do not believe in you, give you pessimism and despondency, and even more so scold and criticize you. If possible, it is better not to communicate with such people at all. Give preference to people who support your ideas and initiatives, believe that you will succeed, inspire optimism in you.

The fifth rule.
Learn not to depend on the opinion of others. If even someone says you’re unkind, don’t react. Say to yourself: “This man doesn’t know me at all. He has no right to judge me. But I know myself very well, and I see that he is wrong, because in fact I am a very good person, worthy of respect and better attitude. Then name some of your positive qualities and merits, for example: “I am a great worker”, “I am a great friend”, etc.

The sixth rule.
Constantly set yourself positive goals: learn something new, do something good for yourself and others, learn a new activity, etc. Be active, achieve your goals – and be sure to praise yourself for it. Our self-confidence and self-respect increase when we set goals and achieve them, and feel that we can do something good, get positive results.

When you learn to say the words of praise and approval easily, calmly and with dignity, you will wonder how easy it will be for you to praise and approve of others. If in the past these words literally got stuck in your throat – now they will begin to fly off your tongue by themselves.

Author: Narbut Alex (“How to become a master of communication with any person, in any situation. All secrets, hints, formulas”).